Brother Christensen,
I just had a speaker cancel for this coming Sunday, the 9th, so if you're OK with preparing something that quickly, I'll take you up on that offer! I was hoping you could base your remarks on the following 2 talks from recent General Conferences (feel free to quote from them as extensively as you feel is prudent). The idea here is that we should treat others, especially our family members, with kindness and patience, and not cut them down. It's a message that we all need to be reminded about on occasion, and I thought it would be appropriate for our branch.
Could you prepare for 20 minutes or so?
Thanks so much for doing this!
-Greg George
Slow To Anger by Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley
The Tongue of Angels by Elder
Talk
We all get angry. Some of us might have gotten upset yesterday. Some of us might get upset tomorrow. And so far, this isn’t a very insightful talk, so some of the people in the audience might be getting upset right now.
There are times when it may be ok to show your anger. Most of you are probably familiar with the story of Jesus and the money changers. President Hinckley shared the following insight:
Anger may be justified in some circumstances. The scriptures tell us that Jesus drove the moneychangers from the temple, saying, “My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves” (Matthew 21:13).
But even this was spoken more as a rebuke than as an outburst of uncontrolled anger.
So, with the exception of appropriate and loving rebuke like Jesus showed, nothing good ever really comes from anger. So why do we do it?
Why do we get angry? Why do we get upset?
All of us can probably come up with a long list of things that can sometimes make us upset.
So, here’s my list of things that can sometimes make me upset (in no particular order): my boss, my interns, working late, coming into work early, hot weather, arrogance, ignorance, sales taxes, income taxes, real estate taxes, taxes on capital gains, wasteful government programs, wasteful state programs, logical fallacies, bulk items that are more expensive per unit than individual items, entitlements, the democratic party, the republican party, cleaning up after pets, cleaning up after people, cleaning up after myself, tomato juice, Portobello mushrooms, radio commercials, television commercials, billboards, advertisements in magazines, waiting at hospitals, the DMV, religious intolerance, political intolerance, racial intolerance, China’s occupation of Tibet, genocide in Darfur, exercising, sweating, getting blamed for things I didn’t do, getting blamed for things I have no control over, taking actuarial exams, studying for actuarial exams, bad customer service, not having a signal for my cell phone, having my cell phone run out of batteries, paying tips, shopping, shower heads that are too low, whining, complaining, crying, getting interrupted, doing work that someone else should be doing, excessive sports fans, police officers that abuse their power, dental work, shaving, wearing suits, sitting in boring meetings, convenience fees when paying with a credit card, waiting for trains to pass, driving in Chicago, paying bills, unexpected expenses, detours, road construction, daylight savings time, fox news, slow internet connections, movie challenges on facebook, spam, junk mail, taking out the trash, cleaning up rotten apples, mice, moles, ants, flies, crickets, grasshoppers, raccoons, uncomfortable chairs, airplane seats, inflation, an unregulated federal reserve, federal budget deficits, corrupt governors, business writing classes, sore muscles, high gas prices, and … the IRS.
Now, this is a pretty long list, and I could probably make it longer.
So what are we supposed to do about all these things out there that have the ability to make us upset?
In President Hinckley’s talk, he share’s a couple of stories. The first is a story from his own life:
Many years ago I worked for one of our railroads. A switchman was aimlessly strolling about the platform one day. I asked him to move a car to another track. He exploded. He threw his cap on the pavement and jumped up and down on it, swearing like a drunken sailor. I stood there and laughed at his childish behavior. Noting my laughter, he began to laugh at his own foolishness. He then quietly climbed on the switch engine, drove it over to the empty car, and moved it to an empty track.
I thought of a verse from Ecclesiastes: “Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools” (Ecclesiastes 7:9).
The next story that President Hinckley share’s doesn’t have as happy of an ending:
Grudges, if left to fester, can become serious maladies. Like a painful ailment they can absorb all of our time and attention. Guy de Maupassant has written an interesting chronicle that illustrates this.
It concerns Master Hauchecome, who on market day went to town. He was afflicted with rheumatism, and as he stumbled along he noticed a piece of string on the ground in front of him. He picked it up and carefully put it in his pocket. He was seen doing so by his enemy, the harness maker.
At the same time it was reported to the mayor that a pocketbook containing money had been lost. It was assumed that what Hauchecome had picked up was the pocketbook, and he was accused of taking it. He vehemently denied the charge. A search of his clothing disclosed only the piece of string, but the slander against him had so troubled him that he became obsessed with it. Wherever he went he bothered to tell people about it. He became such a nuisance that they cried out against him. It sickened him.
“His mind kept growing weaker and about the end of December he took to his bed.
“He passed away early in January, and, in the ravings of [his] death agony, he protested his innocence, repeating:
“ ‘A little [piece] of string—a little [piece] of string. See, here it is, [Mister Mayor.]’ ” (See “The Piece of String,” http://www.online-literature.com/Maupassant/270/.)
Hauchcome had become so obsessed that he let his grudge against the harness maker consume his entire life.
Now, most of us won’t let one offence consume our whole lives, but most of us would let some things consume our lives for a day, for an hour, or at least for a few minutes. But the end result is still usually the same. We get mad about it for however long we think is appropriate and then look back and realize it probably would have been easier to just ignore it and let it go.
Sometimes, when I’m being exceptionally patient with someone, my wife will ask me why I’m not getting mad. And I usually joke, “Well, I try not to get mad because in the end, it always makes me upset.”
Elder
The voice that bears profound testimony, utters fervent prayer, and sings the hymns of
Both President Hinckley and Elder Holland emphasize how important it is to control our anger in our marriages and in our families. Now I can’t speak to every situation out there, but this is how things usually go for me.
I wake up in the morning head over heels in love with my sweet, adorable wife. I start getting ready for the day, and something goes wrong that puts me in a bad mood. Then something else goes wrong that puts Amanda in a bad mood. Then I go to work and a hundred things go wrong, but because I have to stay professional at work, I bottle it up inside. Amanda’s at work too, and her list of things that goes wrong quickly passes the one or two hundred mark. Then we both get home with a combined total of two or three hundred things that we are upset about. It seems that we sometimes come home from work only one bad thing away from hitting our threshold. If one more thing goes wrong, we’ll both get upset and say things that we don’t really mean and I’ll have forgotten how much I loved my cute wife when I woke up that morning.
Fortunately, Amanda and I are both aware of this and we are very good at translating what the other person says into what they really mean. So when I come home and say something stupid, Amanda is pretty good at translating that into what I really meant to say, “Amanda, I love you, I’m saying something stupid right now because I’m upset, but I don’t really mean it. What I really want you to know is that you’re wonderful. I’m really glad we are married and I don’t know what I would do with out you.”
Now, even the most patient people you know still have things that make them upset. Mother Theresa, the Dalai Lama, Joseph Smith, Thomas S. Monson, and your cute old grandmother from when you were a kid all have things that make them upset. The key difference, from my experiences and from the talk that president George wanted me to speak on, is patience.
President Hickley began the comments in his talk as follows:
I have chosen tonight to speak to the subject of anger. I realize that this is a little unusual, but I think it is timely.
A proverb in the Old Testament states: “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city” (Proverbs 16:32).
It is when we become angry that we get into trouble. The road rage that affects our highways is a hateful expression of anger. I dare say that most of the inmates of our prisons are there because they did something when they were angry. In their wrath they swore, they lost control of themselves, and terrible things followed, even murder. There were moments of offense followed by years of regret.
He goes on to share a story:
This story is told concerning Charles W. Penrose. He was a convert to the Church and served as a missionary in
This angered him so, that he went upstairs in his residence, sat down, and wrote these verses, which are familiar to you. (See Karen Lynn Davidson, Our Latter-day Hymns: The Stories and the Messages [1988], 323.)
School thy feelings, O my brother;
Train thy warm, impulsive soul.
Do not its emotions smother,
But let wisdom’s voice control.
School thy feelings; there is power
In the cool, collected mind.
Passion shatters reason’s tower,
Makes the clearest vision blind. …
School thy feelings; condemnation
Never pass on friend or foe,
Though the tide of accusation
Like a flood of truth may flow.
Hear defense before deciding,
And a ray of light may gleam,
Showing thee what filth is hiding
Underneath the shallow stream.
School thy feelings, O my brother;
Train thy warm, impulsive soul.
Do not its emotions smother,
But let wisdom’s voice control.
(“School Thy Feelings,” Hymns, no. 336)
I really like this hymn, because Charles is basically saying, “Go ahead and feel upset about it, that’s ok. Don’t smother your feelings. You’re upset for a reason, and if something’s wrong, it’s good that you feel that way. But, before you open your mouth, think things over for a second. Make sure you have all the facts. Make sure you hear everyone’s defense. And when you open your mouth, do so with wisdom. Don’t make things worse by letting anger choose your words. Choose your words carefully and with a cool and collected mind. You’ll probably want to accuse or condemn someone in the passion of your anger, but don’t. Train yourself to rely on wisdom and reason when you try to correct this situation.”
This hymn, very poetically reinforces one of the many ideas that God has shared with the world in order to help us find joy.
Responding with kindness, patience, and compassion to situations that originate in anger and hate is taught by Buddhist, Hindus, Muslims, Atheists, and Christians all over the world. It’s a secret that God hasn’t hid from any of his children.
And, this very well, might be the hardest thing we’ll ever try to do.
I leave you with my testimony that on the rare occasions when I’ve been able to respond with patience, love, and compassion to situations that originated in anger and hate, it has brought me closer to my God and has brought me the peace that Jesus spoke of. I leave you this testimony in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
